[He rubs at his temple, frustrated. He opens his mouth to say something else, about Rose---but those thoughts die in his throat. He stares at his feet.]
One would think when it comes to the woman you love, it would be your business.
Supported me in what, though? I don't deserve support here. I'm the one who made the error in judgment without thinking of your feelings. As for Charley, well...she wasn't here. I thought I'd lost her forever.
What? No! Do you honestly think I'd sleep with someone else with Charley right there?
[There's a spark of irritation that anyone would think of him as someone who would put anyone above Charley had he not been convinced he'd never see her again.
But no, he puts that away for now. Nine has more right to be upset.
So, he takes a breath, and explains...]
This was after I'd been corrupted by Thiazi and killed and tortured a lot of people. I went to kill her. I think she knew that if I'd killed Rose, I'd just lose the will to fight. She ended up having to watch Buffy take me down. I tried...I tried to get her to leave, but she wouldn't.
After my "soul" had been cleansed of the corruption by the gods, I contacted her. To apologize, of course. I didn't plan on sleeping with her. Frankly, I was so emotionally broken an wracked with guilt over all the people I'd tortured and killed that I hadn't planned on even seeing anyone that night.
But...she asked me to come see her. So I did. How could I not? Still, she didn't have any plans either. We were meant to just sleep...
[He falls silent for a while. How long ago was that? A month, maybe. Charley was indeed gone at the time. And he was off frolicking away in Vanaheim.
He swallows, and when he speaks, there's clear strain in his expression. Because it's clear this is about more than that, about something this Doctor and Rose have shared since before he ever showed up.
[Eight gives a small little smile and shakes his head. Even if he'd never give up Charley for anyone in the universe as long as he has the chance to be with her, there was still a bit of him that wondered.]
No, she doesn't love me. Not like that, at least. I think having a worry that our night together had...ah...produced results -- it didn't, by the way -- she sat down and had a think to figure out where her priorities lie. And it's not with me. She told me as much.
As for me, I won't lie. I fell in love with her a long time ago, but I was the fool who said nothing to her when I had the chance. That was my fault.
And now, Charley's here. I won't let Charley go for anything, or anyone. I actually have physical proof of that.
[He holds up a small black box into view, then sets it down again.]
Do I love Rose Tyler? Yes. Do I have any intentions of pursuing her? Not in the least. You two belong together. See it in your heart to forgive her.
Luckier than I deserve to be, yes. Now I just have to hold out home that she says yes. It...won't mean anything when we leave here, since neither of us will remember it ever happening, but it will mean something for as long as we're here. It will mean everything.
[He chuckles a bit, feeling an odd mixture of nervousness and relief. Thank goodness he's only joking.]
Yes, well, I'm glad you don't have to.
[His chuckle dies in his throat and he just stares at his older self.]
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I happened to hear about it when I visited Charley after our most recent brush with death.
[He's still glaring, yup. But talking about Charley's feelings is so much easier than addressing his own.]
You didn't think to go to her?
[...and there's the timing issue.]
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I thought...
I thought there was a chance that she'd disappear again, and I didn't want what little time we had together spent trying to cope with what happened.
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[He rubs at his temple, frustrated. He opens his mouth to say something else, about Rose---but those thoughts die in his throat. He stares at his feet.]
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What do you mean "be there for me"?
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Supported me in what, though? I don't deserve support here. I'm the one who made the error in judgment without thinking of your feelings. As for Charley, well...she wasn't here. I thought I'd lost her forever.
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[He blinks, looking baffled.]
I thought this was the week before last.
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[There's a spark of irritation that anyone would think of him as someone who would put anyone above Charley had he not been convinced he'd never see her again.
But no, he puts that away for now. Nine has more right to be upset.
So, he takes a breath, and explains...]
This was after I'd been corrupted by Thiazi and killed and tortured a lot of people. I went to kill her. I think she knew that if I'd killed Rose, I'd just lose the will to fight. She ended up having to watch Buffy take me down. I tried...I tried to get her to leave, but she wouldn't.
After my "soul" had been cleansed of the corruption by the gods, I contacted her. To apologize, of course. I didn't plan on sleeping with her. Frankly, I was so emotionally broken an wracked with guilt over all the people I'd tortured and killed that I hadn't planned on even seeing anyone that night.
But...she asked me to come see her. So I did. How could I not? Still, she didn't have any plans either. We were meant to just sleep...
[He sighs and shakes his head.]
I'm sorry.
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He swallows, and when he speaks, there's clear strain in his expression. Because it's clear this is about more than that, about something this Doctor and Rose have shared since before he ever showed up.
His expression is blank.]
She really loves you, doesn't she? And you her?
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[Eight gives a small little smile and shakes his head. Even if he'd never give up Charley for anyone in the universe as long as he has the chance to be with her, there was still a bit of him that wondered.]
No, she doesn't love me. Not like that, at least. I think having a worry that our night together had...ah...produced results -- it didn't, by the way -- she sat down and had a think to figure out where her priorities lie. And it's not with me. She told me as much.
As for me, I won't lie. I fell in love with her a long time ago, but I was the fool who said nothing to her when I had the chance. That was my fault.
And now, Charley's here. I won't let Charley go for anything, or anyone. I actually have physical proof of that.
[He holds up a small black box into view, then sets it down again.]
Do I love Rose Tyler? Yes. Do I have any intentions of pursuing her? Not in the least. You two belong together. See it in your heart to forgive her.
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...best of luck to you with that. And I mean that sincerely.
But it sounds like you're already lucky.
If you had given Rose a child, I would've had to kill you, regardless of what that would do to my own existence.
[There's that old mocking grin.]
But...I should really be talking to her about her feelings, shouldn't I?
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[He chuckles a bit, feeling an odd mixture of nervousness and relief. Thank goodness he's only joking.]
Yes, well, I'm glad you don't have to.
[His chuckle dies in his throat and he just stares at his older self.]
You haven't spoken to her yet??
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[He's still obviously unhappy, but it's now largely dread for this conversation with Rose.]
I'll go now.
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[And that's that.]